Intuder alert!
by HaloSilvercross
Summary: There are two intruders in Ryuuken Ishida's home and he's terrified to fight them! So he calls Isshin Kurosaki to help instead. And will brave Isshin save the day?who are these intruders? fluffy i guess and a bit funny. shounen-ai.


INTRUDER ALERT

The Kurosaki household was filled with the noise of plates and pots clanging as they prepared dinner together.

The orange haired eldest of the household suddenly sent a flying kick to his father.

'' oi, old goat! Your phone is ringing, can't you go and get it?!''

Recovering from the sudden assault Isshin Kurosaki strained his ears. Indeed his phone was ringing. Leaving the preparations to his kids he went to the living room to get it. The screen displayed an unknown number but he picked it up anyway.

'' Moshi-mosh, Isshin Kurosaki speaking'' he answered in a jovial tone.

'' Drop the act and drag your ass over here right _now._'' A voice replied.

'' W-what? Ryuuken is that you?'' he asked back at the familiar voice incredulously.

'' No, this is his dead grandfather. Of course it's me!'' came the snappy answer.

Sensing that something was wrong as he sounded more annoyed than he usually was, Isshin got serious.

'' What's wrong?''

'' There's two of them in my house right now and they are _huge_'' said Ryuuken his voice laced with disgust.

But only Isshin who knew him so well understood the fear hidden behind the disgust.

'' Why are you calling from this number?'' he asked curiously.

For a moment silence reigned. Just then Ichigo stuck his head around the room and annoyingly said '' Oi, old man, get in here right now or we're starting without you''.

In only what one would call his inner 'Isshin-ness' he did an elaborate mixture of poses and dancing.

'' Oh my son! You love me so much!'' he declared.

Dance, dance, pose.

Pose, pose, dance.

A vein threatened to pop on Ichigo's forehead and he rolled his eyes and went away muttering expletives under his breath.

Isshin got serious again and asked again '' who's number is this''.

'' My neighbour's''

Isshin frowned.

'' Why are calling from Kanao's phone?'' he asked accusingly.

'' Fuck, Isshin, now's not the time for your stupidity to kick in. Get. Here. Now.'' He spat.

Almost as an afterthought he added '' I-I'm waiting outside my door''.

Then he hung up. Isshin stared at is phone for a second and heaved a sigh.

He grabbed his car keys from the table and went to the kitchen.

'' Hey guys, er…I'm heading out for a minute'' he said.

All three of his kids looked up from their meal.

'' where the hell do you think you're going?'' asked Ichigo.

Tears filled Isshin's eyes and he hugged Ichigo while saying '' Oh, Ichigo, you care so much ''

Ichigo punched his face and said '' I just don't want Yuzu's hard work to go to waste''.

Isshin was doing a weird wiggly dance during this.

'' Stupid dad. Where are you going?'' asked Karin.

Dance, pose, dance.

'' I need to help out a friend. He's in trouble. Don't wait up for me!'' he shouted as he danced his way to the front door.

As the sound of his car faded away Ichigo broke the silence by saying '' I'm glad we all got our mom's side of the gene''.

His two sisters laughed at that and they resumed their meal.

xxxxxxWiggly dancexxxxxx

Ryuuken was waiting exactly where he said he was; in front of his door. Any normal person would have been pacing around in waiting. But this was not a normal person, this was Ryuuken. And as we all know Ryuuken does not do any ordinary and mundane things like 'pacing'.

He also does not randomly break out dancing. As Isshin was doing right now while he came close to him.

The vein on his forehead that by now has been stamped 'Isshin vein' as it only came alive when he was around started to tick in annoyance already.

'' Heee-lllooooo, Ryu-chan!'' he sang.

Now the vein started throbbing.

'' I . Am. Not. Ryu. Chan.'' He spat.

Dance, dance, more dance.

'' Aw, don't be mad! I'll just go home then'' Isshin pouted.

Panic over took Ryuuken's common sense which begged to be rid of this blindingly purple shirt wearing, weirdly dancing…_thing_…from his sights.

'' W-w-wait, what about them?''

Isshin stopped his freaky dance and scrunched up his eyebrows.

'' Can't you just kill them'' he asked.

'' I wouldn't call you if I can, would I?'' he asked patiently.

'' Sure you can. Just take out your pretty bow then aim and fire.'' He made the appropriate gesture of firing an arrow from a bow.

Ryuuken 'hmmphed', crossed his arms, took a threatening stance and glared at Isshin.

Glare, glare, glare.

More glare.

Glare.

Glare.

Isshin finally slumped.

'' Fine, fine. I'll kill the damn things'' he dismissively said.

Relief reflected in the silver haired man's face.

Isshin opened the door and headed in. Pretty bravely when there are two huge intruders might I add.

'' where are they?''

'' In the bathroom''

'' which one?''

'' the one adjoined with my bedroom''

Isshin stopped in front of Ryuuken's room and turned to him questioningly.

'' I know you're scared but to the extent of waiting _outside_? Tell me, are they that big?''

With a solemn face Ryuuken answered '' the biggest I've seen. Two of them. And you know what? They are _spawning_ in there. Get rid of them''

Isshin shook his head from side to side and entered the battle-field. He silently made his way to the bathroom, where its door was wide open and peered in.

And there they were.

Huge, disgusting and _spawning_ just as he had said.

Even Isshin grimaced in disgust. Those things were at it like there was no tomorrow. As if they owned the whole damn place.

Ryuuken pressed an aerosol can to his arm and Isshin silently accepted.

Isshin aimed and fired. The effect was slow. First, the damn things moved together, still adjoined.

Then, panic set in and they separated. One crawling up the wall and the other heading behind the toilet.

Ryuuken gripped Isshin's arm painfully and shouted out loud.

'' Kill them! Kill them! They're crawling all over my stuff!''

Isshin calmly loosened Ryuuken's death grip on him and entered the room. He aimed at the one on the wall and sprayed. It fell down and twitched in defeat.

Then he aimed the can at the toilet and sprayed again. This one was stubborn at first but with another spray, it too, fell. Satisfied Isshin watered them down the drain and washed his hand twice. Then again just for comfort.

He absent mindedly thought that tomorrow he'll probably have to go shopping with Ryuuken as the archer will most probably clean the bathroom off every stuff he owns and buys new replacements for them. He could already imagine the disgusting tone Ryuuken will use and say '_there's no way I'm even looking at anything from where the monsters tried to breed''_. Never mind the fact that they only did it on the floor.

He stepped out and was surprised to note that Ryuuken wasn't there at the door.

'' Are they gone? Did you get them?'' said the voice from somewhere within the room.

Isshin squinted to see in the dark. He headed towards the light switch and flipped it on.

Soft light flooded the room and to his amusement there was Ryuuken. Beside his bed and closet. Wedged in between them with his back against the wall. His arms splayed on the wall beside his body as if waiting for an assault that would never come.

'' Yup, got them good. They're down the drain now. Heading to la-la land''

Ryuuken heaved a sigh. Then he noticed Isshin staring at him and asked '' what are you looking at?''

The bearded head of the Kurosaki household quirked his eyebrow.

Understanding dawned on Ryuuken and he moved away from the wall, pushing up his glasses.

He blushed lightly and stammered out ''t-th-thanks''

Isshin waved it off and stepped closer to Ryuuken.

'' Is that all I get for saving your life. A mere thanks?'' he asked in a whisper.

'' Wh-what else do you want?'' he asked.

Isshin 'hmmed' '' I don't know, you tell me''.

He inched closer to the silver headed, bespectacled head of the Ishida household. The hospital owner glanced up at Isshin and then looked away.

With a steady voice that he attempted to make a warning, he said '' go home''.

'' No'' said Isshin defiantly. Then he added huskily '' Not until I get my reward for missing dinner and saving your cute little ass from nasty, mating, cockroaches''.

Ryuuken had backed off to the wall again and had nowhere to run. Isshin loomed in front of him like a hungry predator.

'' I-I'm warning you! I'll shoot an arrow!'' he threatened adorably

Isshin smirked as he inched even closer. All the Isshin-ness mischief was gone from his eyes. He striked no poses and danced no dances. There was a glint of seriousness in his eyes that reflected the true Isshin Kurosaki.

Without him realizing it, Ryuuken shuddered. He was caught unguarded at a bad time. His nerves were still reeling from the time he walked in on the mating filthy _monsters_ on his tiled bathroom floor a while ago. He had fled the scene when they started to crawl all over the place in fear.

Isshin was so close now, his chest was pressing against Ryuuken's lithe form. The taller man had both his arm near Ryuuken's head, trapping him between them.

He leaned down closer to his face and pressed his lips gently onto the shorter ones.

He did it again until he felt Ryuuken relax a little and then he kissed more heatedly. He placed his hands on the smaller framed male's waist.

Ryuuken jerked in shock at first but relaxed the next moment and answered the kiss with his own. Isshin seeked entrance to the sweet cavern and felt it opening for him. He didn't waste time exploring the all too familiar mouth. He gently guided them towards the bed and without breaking the kiss laid down above his lover. And threw his glasses away somewhere to the floor.

Two tongues battled for dominance the whole time as the kisses became more passionate and lust-induced. Ryuuken felt Isshin's hand on him, stroking the hard muscles of his abdomens sensually.

The gentle ministration heightened his pleasure and he moaned softly against the other's lips. He heard what he thought was a small growl from Isshin deep from his chest.

Isshin parted for breath but not wanting to lose the mood kissed a trail down The Quincy's jawline. As he reached the pale neck he quietly asked '' so did you go to Kanao's like this?''.

Ryuuken breathlessly replied as his hand tightened around Isshin '' Wha-what are you talking about?''

He nipped at the soft skin and left marks claiming his lover as his and answered '' I mean, you went there to borrow the phone from him in this condition? Shirtless and in your shorts?''

Ryuuken stiffened underneath him. He understood his paramour's jealousy of his neighbor but to bring it up at this moment of intimacy was unforgivable.

Isshin felt the muscles of his boyfriend tense underneath him and cringed. He got up from his silver haired beloved. Oh God, him and his stupid mouth. He quickly tried to mend his stupidity by saying '' what I meant to say was that it must have been really scary for you to run of half-naked like that''.

Ryuuken's eyes were hidden from sight by his hair but Isshin could almost feel the murderous intent glinting in it. '' oh, is that so?'', Ryuuken asked.

As Isshin pathetically nodded he saw the all too familiar bow forming on Ryuuken's left hand and squeaking like a mouse he ran for his life as a rain of arrows was bombarded at him.

Meanwhile, Ryuuken's neighbor Kanao wondered what was wrong when he heard shouts of terror and pleading of mercy for almost an hour and then right for the next few, dull thuds and moaning and the sound of bed springs groaning in effort. He shrugged it off thinking that his neighbor must be jumping on the mattress with his friend. Oh how naïve you are Kanao. How naïve indeed.

Xxxxxxxxkurosaki householdxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ichigo lay on his bed wondering where his idiot of a father was when his cellphone softly chimed.

He gazed at the screen and picked it up.

'' Hi, Uri-chan. What's up'' he asked grinning deviously as he knew the other hated the nickname.

'' There's a huge one in my kitchen. Drag your lazy ass here right now!'' the voice answered.

Still holding the phone to his ear, Ichigo scribbled a quick note and placed it on his desk.

'' where are you, Uryu?'', he asked.

'' on the street opposite my home'' came the crisp answer.

As Ichigo jumped of the windowsill he heard Uryu say '' I swear it looks like a tarantula. It's probably crawling all over the place now. Hurry up, Ichigo!''

Ichigo rubbed the back of his head with his free hand.

'' Yeah, yeah, I'm heading there already. Say, Uryu?''

The younger but equally stubborn Quincy asked '' what?''.

'' let's say I get rid of it for you…then what do I get?'' he asked curiously.

Ichigo heard a sigh from the other end. And then, in a quick and abrupt reply came the answer '' you're bringing protection'' and then he hung up.

Grinning widely in victory, Ichigo headed back to his room and took out something hidden in his closet and pocketed it.

He quickly slipped out and broke out on a small run excitedly to save his damsel in distress from the big terrifying spider and inadvertently get some sexy time for his chivalry. What can I say? Like father like son.

Ah, isn't life great? It threw stubborn and shy lovers like Ryuuken and Uryu some scary bugs and gave idiotic lovers like Isshin and not-so-innocent-as-he-looks one like Ichigo with chance for a night filled with love and happiness. And wake them up with the feeling of warmth in their embrace in the morning.

Thank you life.

Thank you scary, disgusting, filthy and sometimes caught mating intruders.

For, because of you, love is in the air.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The End

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A/n: Hahaha. Ok so, there it is. A short and adorable fic staring Isshin and Ryuuken. I've been wanting to write a fic for them for some time now but figured not to take the risk without finishing the two fic I'm working on now. So, I did this instead just to satisfy my cravings. Actually I wrote this when I saw two cockroaches mating in my kitchen. Have you ever seen those disgusting creatures go at it? I swear your disgust for them will go up a notch. Eekkk. So *shudders* terrifying.**

**I figure the characters might be OOC. I've got nothing to say bout that. I'm not ashamed for that. It works for the fic so huzzah! **

**Till next time with much thanks and gratitude,**

**Silver, the slightly insane author.**


End file.
